Little Yippy Dog

One of my past jobs was delivering newspapers in a repressed area, that was being converted to a "motor route" meaning we'd put up tubes on a pole that I could shove the paper in from my car. This was considered by more than a few to be a "bad neighborhood" but I didn't see it that way. I think things are generally as bad as you want them to be. I did put up the tubes myself, so I could be seen pounding them into the ground, to reinforce to the young troublemakers that I was not a push-over. I also got to meet a lot of the other residents that no one talks about. Many of the residents were black folks from the south, who moved up here to work in at General Motors, and were now retired. They were very nice, self respecting folks who mowed their lawns weekly and even though, they said things like "ya'll" and "ain't" they also said "Please" and Thank you" where white folks generally didn't. I never could figure out why some white folks thought they were better than blacks, when they weren't nearly as polite, and didn't even keep up their yards nearly as nice.

Now because some of my customers were handicapped, or couldn't get all the way down their driveway with ease, I would walk the papers up to their door. I had about a half dozen of these.
One of them was home to one of those annoying little yippy dogs. You know the kind. They resound like nails on a chalk board, and their owners must have been deafened by them, because they seem to not be able to hear them.
Every day, without fail, I would walk up this lady's drive to be met by such a dog. This dog clearly was saying "Hey you! Get Out of here! This is my house, and you don't belong here! I'm tellin my mommy on you!" Look, it's 4am, I have 2 jobs, and no patience for this, which was clearly not part of the job description. Most animals like me right off, but this one sure didn't. I don't really like yippy dogs either, so we're even.
Almost.
To make it really even, I decide to talk back, but I can't be heard cussing out folks dogs, or word would get around that I'm a big fat meany, so I began talking to it in a voice that anyone who could hear my voice but not the words, would think I was being nice. I told that little yippy dog [in a voice that a toddler would love] "Why, aren't you just the ugliest little thing? Yes, you are! Yer just the uglyiest little thing. Look at you! My cat is bigger than you are. Yes, she is. You little ugly bugger you!" Every day I insulted that little dog while it chased me down and then back up the driveway, nipping and yipping it's threats at me.
After some months of this, there came a day I didn't see it out, so I put the paper by the side door like I always do, and high tailed it outa there, happy that my ear drums were gonna get a break that day.
About halfway down the street, I catch something in my rear veiw mirror. It's that stupid little dog. I stopped the car and got out. I couldn't believe it! That annoying little dog missed yipping at me, and had to chase me down to make it's day complete! Knowing little dogs don't like to be grabbed around the middle, I carefully scooped him up in my forearms, and got in the car with him in my lap. I backed the car up all the way to his house, stopped, got out, and carried the dog to his door. The lady hadn't heard the dog bark, so she came out to see whay he wasn't yipping, and see's me there holding her dog. I told her that I found him running down the street, thinking, surely she would scold him for this, if not the yipping, and she gasped and said "I can't believe you're holding him, and he's not biting you! He hates everybody!"
Turns out the lady could hear him. He was her "newspaper" alarm. She purposely put him out every morning before I came by, knowing he'd yipp annoyingly at me, because he hated everybody!
Except me - now.
Great. Just what I need - a yippy dog for a friend.
Darn dog fooled us both didn't he?